Wednesday, February 23, 2005
The Quotes!
1. "That's bad poetry." - Me
"That's redundant." -Ben
2. "And Reagan said... 'that's okay, I'll just go kill the Soviet Union!'" -Tim
3. "I'm a Woodrow Wilson FIEND!" -Tim
4. "That's like getting stuck in the toilet!" -Joel
5. "That is the best face of all time." -Tim, on Ben's face
6. "This is some excellent water." -Ben
"Thanks... I made it myself." -Guthrie, sarcastically
"Really?" -Ben, seriously
7. "If I'm not confused, then something's wrong." -Zach, on AP Chemistry
8. "That was the most ridiculous experience of my life." -Ben, on being late to English
9. "I am SO pouring liquid nitrogen on your crotch!" -Zach, to Paul
10. "Oh no! The Sparknotes will be SO LONG!" -Guthrie, on Wuthering Heights
11. "He is so Christian and dumb." -Ben, on Joel
12. "We're due for another Hippie Era." -Ben
13. "Oh, Ben... you're gonna be an awesome eighty-year-old." -Mr. Deane
14. "Evans, you should jump out of a cake." -Tim, on Mr. Deane's birthday
15. "Mr. Cochran, I'm going to the bathroom. It is about to EXPLODE." -Joel
16. "A butter gun. It shoots butter. It's popcorn's best friend." -Tim
17. "What did the New Deal bring to the South?" -Mr. Deane
"Racism." - Ben
18. "Your house is illegally parked." - Joel
19. "I just told Evans I was going to smite him." -Taylor, to Mr. Hickerson
20. "I can create a slideshow using NOTHING BUT MY MIND." -Taylor
21. "Playboy has the ugliest women in America." -Tim
22. "Chicken. It's the Tuna of the Land." -Me
23. "OW! MY EAR!" -Joel, as Ben sits behind him and yells at Mr. Cochran
24. "Joel! What is with you taking off your shirt?!" -Ben
"I get hot!" -Joel
25. "The superintendent demands that we kill all the white people!" -Ben
26. "SHE WANTS TO BURN DOWN THE SCHOOL! Which I'm all for..." -Taylor, on the superintendent
27. "Taylor, you are BEYOND on crack." -Ben
28. "We should take a couple of these and let them soak in there. That would be good." -Taylor, on Mr. Cochran's lollipops and Guthrie's water
"That is the worst idea EVER." -Guthrie
29. "This scarf proves that I am a bigger man." -Ben
"Yes... but once the scarf comes off, you go back to being a WOMAN." -Joel
30. "YESSSSSSSSS! FREEZE ME!" -Ben, upon hearing the name "Ted Williams"
31. "I wanna have the most extravagant funeral EVER!" -Ben
"But you're not dying." -Zach
"Oh right!" -Ben
32. "Write that down! 'Is it the reaction coefficient of the reaction quotient?'" -Zach
"That is the nerdiest quote ever." -Me
"Did you just call that the gnarliest quote ever?" -Paul
33. "Mirado Black Warriors. I endorse them. The people love them." -Taylor, on his pencil
34. "Don't rub me." -Me, to Taylor
35. "The Awakening is the epitome of sucking." -Taylor
36. "You are so fat." -Taylor
"No, you're so fat. I'm so gay." -Ben
"Oh. Right. I forgot. Sorry." -Taylor
37. "I walked into him in the hall and he was like 'YO! DON'T SMUDGE MY SHOE!'" -Taylor, on Colin Campbell
38. "It's a clementine Moby Strip." -Joel
39. "I failed the jesus out of that thing." -Ben
40. "The Atheist Tree. It's just a stick." -Ben
41. "Mr. Deane, can I have one of those letters that says I'm failing?" -Zach
42. "I'm gonna make my own mathematical equation: TAYLOR = IDIOT." -Tim
43. "We've spread it like wildfire! Or AIDS... depending on how evil we are..." -Tim
44. "Guthrie, you need to teach Taylor to be anorexic." -Ben
45. "You look like Oprah, Joel. Except for the obvious... not being black or a woman or fat..." -Tim
46. "Let's print a picture of Paul Wiley's mother... oh wait, no, it's not April GROSS Day." -Tim, on the April Fools' Day KTR
47. "I think black people deserve to have facial features." -Colin Campbell
48. "That should be a requirement to win Record of the Year. It has to NOT SUCK." -Tim
49. "I hope Cort drops a bomb on your house." -Ben, to me
50. "You know, Sarah... if you look in a mirror, you can read my name." -Tim, to Sarah, who is wearing her MIT sweatshirt
51. "Wuthering Heights is hilarious. That narrator is such a player." -Ben
52. "I thought I was itching my hand with the eraser. Turns out, I was stabbing myself!" -Tim
53. "I am a Renaissance Man." -Ben
54. "EIGHT POINT FIVE INCHES. SUCK... ON... IT!" -Ben, bragging about his ability to guess the height of a water bottle (edited, 5/8/05... props to Cort for noticing the misquote)
55. "YES! TWELVE POINT FIVE INCHES! I am genius." -Ben, upon measuring his own foot
"Yes. Because you can read a ruler." -Tim
56. "Steven is going to mortgage your house and foreclose on it." - Taylor, to Ben
57. "I am SO trustbusting the College Board." -Tim
58. "I'm gonna beat you up, you cripple." -Ben, to Taylor
59. "You cannot refer me, Cochran! I am UNREFERRABLE!" -Taylor
60. "We have decided three things about women: one, I like women; two, they are not vile creatures; and three, they vote with their hearts, not with their minds." -Ben
61. "At least I'm not getting kicked out of school for crack... since I don't get caught..." -Taylor
62. "Sorry for not being loud and obnoxious." -Sarah
"You should be." -Ben
"In Ben's world, 'quiet' equals 'worthless.'" -Taylor
63. "This was the best day for quotes ever." -Ben, on February 14, 2005 -- incredibly, the source of quotes 44 through 63
64. "So... we're going to do a lab today." -Ms. Cunningham
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" -Guthrie, very loudly
65. "I am going to duct tape your mouth shut!" -Ms. Cunningham, to me
66. "The series (1/n) diverges, YOU WHORE!" -Tim, to me
67. "In your face, everybody else!" -Taylor, because he knows the first line of Hamlet
68. "I need a funeral T-shirt! And a funeral pen! And a FUNERAL ICE TASSEL!" -Me, on Ben's funeral
69. "Tennyson is my dog." -Taylor
"Your dog is named Tennyson?" Mr. Hickerson
"No... but I'm down with Tennyson." -Taylor
70. "He gained two points for... assassinating Ben [...] for interrupting class." -Mr. Deane, on an AP essay
71. "You had me at SHUT UP." -Tim
72. "I'm giving up CALCULUS for Lent!" -Taylor
73. "I'm not telling you what it got. I don't want you thinking you gave it too less or too more." -Mr. Deane, on an AP essay
74. "You DON'T LIKE DONKEY KONG? You are a ho." -Ben, to Guthrie
75. "Just what are you trying to say, you little communist?" -Tim, responding to Alex's criticism of Ronald Reagan
76. "My right arm is more muscular, so it sweats more." -Taylor, analyzing his massive pit stains
77. "Alex, America is the cafeteria lady of the world." -Me
78. "And then I'd be like 'COCHRAN, CAN THE WHOLE WORLD!'" -Tim
79. "That's a 'chair.'" -Ben
"Thanks buddy." -Tim
80. "It's Newton!" Mooning us from the grave!" -Taylor, describing a cardioid graph
81. "What empire? WHAT EMPIRE? Byzantine, you ho!" -Taylor
82. "Taylor's totally wearing pantyhose, you guys." -Sage
83. "Women and men are equal." -Ben
"That's a cliché." -Tim
84. "You guys multiply like jackrabbits." Tim, on the orchestra
85. "I have a very sexy back of the head." -Jesse
86. "Lord [last name redacted because Ben is a bitch]. That has a nice ring to it." -Ben
87. "Well, first they decided to get all the reds out of the country..." -Mr. Deane
"THEY MISSED ONE!" -Tim, pointing at Guthrie
88. "I could make some good fried chicken for President Bush. I bet you he'd eat that shit up." -Ben
89. "It's... Congressional or something." -Joel, on his denomination of Christianity
90. "Asbestos... the FRESHMAKER!" -Tim
91. "Joel, you are now a demigod out of ancient Indian text." -Mr. Deane
92. "I have no aspirations in life beyond being the emperor of the earth." -Mr. Deane
"You'll have to get through me first!" -Ben
93. "Surely it's resonant!" -Steven, describing Lewis structures in a faintly British accent
94. "But phosphorous has five." -Paul
"I'll five YOU." -Guthrie
"I don't even get that joke." -Kate
"The joke's on YOU, Kate." -Guthrie
95. "I like how Mr. Cochran can explain things to me without instantly insulting me." -Taylor
"Taylor, you smell AWFUL." -Ben, instantly
96. "England doesn't have an environment." -Ben
97. "Stephen Hawking, in your face!" -Taylor, upon solving a math problem
98. "We need to set up an Anti-Ballistic Missile Defense system in this classroom." -Ben
99. "They hate Jews, and they hate gays... that's why I couldn't be in anymore." -Ben, on the Boy Scouts
100. "The beach is NOT outdoors." -Tim
"That's redundant." -Ben
2. "And Reagan said... 'that's okay, I'll just go kill the Soviet Union!'" -Tim
3. "I'm a Woodrow Wilson FIEND!" -Tim
4. "That's like getting stuck in the toilet!" -Joel
5. "That is the best face of all time." -Tim, on Ben's face
6. "This is some excellent water." -Ben
"Thanks... I made it myself." -Guthrie, sarcastically
"Really?" -Ben, seriously
7. "If I'm not confused, then something's wrong." -Zach, on AP Chemistry
8. "That was the most ridiculous experience of my life." -Ben, on being late to English
9. "I am SO pouring liquid nitrogen on your crotch!" -Zach, to Paul
10. "Oh no! The Sparknotes will be SO LONG!" -Guthrie, on Wuthering Heights
11. "He is so Christian and dumb." -Ben, on Joel
12. "We're due for another Hippie Era." -Ben
13. "Oh, Ben... you're gonna be an awesome eighty-year-old." -Mr. Deane
14. "Evans, you should jump out of a cake." -Tim, on Mr. Deane's birthday
15. "Mr. Cochran, I'm going to the bathroom. It is about to EXPLODE." -Joel
16. "A butter gun. It shoots butter. It's popcorn's best friend." -Tim
17. "What did the New Deal bring to the South?" -Mr. Deane
"Racism." - Ben
18. "Your house is illegally parked." - Joel
19. "I just told Evans I was going to smite him." -Taylor, to Mr. Hickerson
20. "I can create a slideshow using NOTHING BUT MY MIND." -Taylor
21. "Playboy has the ugliest women in America." -Tim
22. "Chicken. It's the Tuna of the Land." -Me
23. "OW! MY EAR!" -Joel, as Ben sits behind him and yells at Mr. Cochran
24. "Joel! What is with you taking off your shirt?!" -Ben
"I get hot!" -Joel
25. "The superintendent demands that we kill all the white people!" -Ben
26. "SHE WANTS TO BURN DOWN THE SCHOOL! Which I'm all for..." -Taylor, on the superintendent
27. "Taylor, you are BEYOND on crack." -Ben
28. "We should take a couple of these and let them soak in there. That would be good." -Taylor, on Mr. Cochran's lollipops and Guthrie's water
"That is the worst idea EVER." -Guthrie
29. "This scarf proves that I am a bigger man." -Ben
"Yes... but once the scarf comes off, you go back to being a WOMAN." -Joel
30. "YESSSSSSSSS! FREEZE ME!" -Ben, upon hearing the name "Ted Williams"
31. "I wanna have the most extravagant funeral EVER!" -Ben
"But you're not dying." -Zach
"Oh right!" -Ben
32. "Write that down! 'Is it the reaction coefficient of the reaction quotient?'" -Zach
"That is the nerdiest quote ever." -Me
"Did you just call that the gnarliest quote ever?" -Paul
33. "Mirado Black Warriors. I endorse them. The people love them." -Taylor, on his pencil
34. "Don't rub me." -Me, to Taylor
35. "The Awakening is the epitome of sucking." -Taylor
36. "You are so fat." -Taylor
"No, you're so fat. I'm so gay." -Ben
"Oh. Right. I forgot. Sorry." -Taylor
37. "I walked into him in the hall and he was like 'YO! DON'T SMUDGE MY SHOE!'" -Taylor, on Colin Campbell
38. "It's a clementine Moby Strip." -Joel
39. "I failed the jesus out of that thing." -Ben
40. "The Atheist Tree. It's just a stick." -Ben
41. "Mr. Deane, can I have one of those letters that says I'm failing?" -Zach
42. "I'm gonna make my own mathematical equation: TAYLOR = IDIOT." -Tim
43. "We've spread it like wildfire! Or AIDS... depending on how evil we are..." -Tim
44. "Guthrie, you need to teach Taylor to be anorexic." -Ben
45. "You look like Oprah, Joel. Except for the obvious... not being black or a woman or fat..." -Tim
46. "Let's print a picture of Paul Wiley's mother... oh wait, no, it's not April GROSS Day." -Tim, on the April Fools' Day KTR
47. "I think black people deserve to have facial features." -Colin Campbell
48. "That should be a requirement to win Record of the Year. It has to NOT SUCK." -Tim
49. "I hope Cort drops a bomb on your house." -Ben, to me
50. "You know, Sarah... if you look in a mirror, you can read my name." -Tim, to Sarah, who is wearing her MIT sweatshirt
51. "Wuthering Heights is hilarious. That narrator is such a player." -Ben
52. "I thought I was itching my hand with the eraser. Turns out, I was stabbing myself!" -Tim
53. "I am a Renaissance Man." -Ben
54. "EIGHT POINT FIVE INCHES. SUCK... ON... IT!" -Ben, bragging about his ability to guess the height of a water bottle (edited, 5/8/05... props to Cort for noticing the misquote)
55. "YES! TWELVE POINT FIVE INCHES! I am genius." -Ben, upon measuring his own foot
"Yes. Because you can read a ruler." -Tim
56. "Steven is going to mortgage your house and foreclose on it." - Taylor, to Ben
57. "I am SO trustbusting the College Board." -Tim
58. "I'm gonna beat you up, you cripple." -Ben, to Taylor
59. "You cannot refer me, Cochran! I am UNREFERRABLE!" -Taylor
60. "We have decided three things about women: one, I like women; two, they are not vile creatures; and three, they vote with their hearts, not with their minds." -Ben
61. "At least I'm not getting kicked out of school for crack... since I don't get caught..." -Taylor
62. "Sorry for not being loud and obnoxious." -Sarah
"You should be." -Ben
"In Ben's world, 'quiet' equals 'worthless.'" -Taylor
63. "This was the best day for quotes ever." -Ben, on February 14, 2005 -- incredibly, the source of quotes 44 through 63
64. "So... we're going to do a lab today." -Ms. Cunningham
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" -Guthrie, very loudly
65. "I am going to duct tape your mouth shut!" -Ms. Cunningham, to me
66. "The series (1/n) diverges, YOU WHORE!" -Tim, to me
67. "In your face, everybody else!" -Taylor, because he knows the first line of Hamlet
68. "I need a funeral T-shirt! And a funeral pen! And a FUNERAL ICE TASSEL!" -Me, on Ben's funeral
69. "Tennyson is my dog." -Taylor
"Your dog is named Tennyson?" Mr. Hickerson
"No... but I'm down with Tennyson." -Taylor
70. "He gained two points for... assassinating Ben [...] for interrupting class." -Mr. Deane, on an AP essay
71. "You had me at SHUT UP." -Tim
72. "I'm giving up CALCULUS for Lent!" -Taylor
73. "I'm not telling you what it got. I don't want you thinking you gave it too less or too more." -Mr. Deane, on an AP essay
74. "You DON'T LIKE DONKEY KONG? You are a ho." -Ben, to Guthrie
75. "Just what are you trying to say, you little communist?" -Tim, responding to Alex's criticism of Ronald Reagan
76. "My right arm is more muscular, so it sweats more." -Taylor, analyzing his massive pit stains
77. "Alex, America is the cafeteria lady of the world." -Me
78. "And then I'd be like 'COCHRAN, CAN THE WHOLE WORLD!'" -Tim
79. "That's a 'chair.'" -Ben
"Thanks buddy." -Tim
80. "It's Newton!" Mooning us from the grave!" -Taylor, describing a cardioid graph
81. "What empire? WHAT EMPIRE? Byzantine, you ho!" -Taylor
82. "Taylor's totally wearing pantyhose, you guys." -Sage
83. "Women and men are equal." -Ben
"That's a cliché." -Tim
84. "You guys multiply like jackrabbits." Tim, on the orchestra
85. "I have a very sexy back of the head." -Jesse
86. "Lord [last name redacted because Ben is a bitch]. That has a nice ring to it." -Ben
87. "Well, first they decided to get all the reds out of the country..." -Mr. Deane
"THEY MISSED ONE!" -Tim, pointing at Guthrie
88. "I could make some good fried chicken for President Bush. I bet you he'd eat that shit up." -Ben
89. "It's... Congressional or something." -Joel, on his denomination of Christianity
90. "Asbestos... the FRESHMAKER!" -Tim
91. "Joel, you are now a demigod out of ancient Indian text." -Mr. Deane
92. "I have no aspirations in life beyond being the emperor of the earth." -Mr. Deane
"You'll have to get through me first!" -Ben
93. "Surely it's resonant!" -Steven, describing Lewis structures in a faintly British accent
94. "But phosphorous has five." -Paul
"I'll five YOU." -Guthrie
"I don't even get that joke." -Kate
"The joke's on YOU, Kate." -Guthrie
95. "I like how Mr. Cochran can explain things to me without instantly insulting me." -Taylor
"Taylor, you smell AWFUL." -Ben, instantly
96. "England doesn't have an environment." -Ben
97. "Stephen Hawking, in your face!" -Taylor, upon solving a math problem
98. "We need to set up an Anti-Ballistic Missile Defense system in this classroom." -Ben
99. "They hate Jews, and they hate gays... that's why I couldn't be in anymore." -Ben, on the Boy Scouts
100. "The beach is NOT outdoors." -Tim
# posted by eclinchy @ 3:38 PM 
